S
shaqdeezl
Guest
Powerlifting Expectations
1) You are absolutely not allowed to wear a wife beater and wind pants to the gym. If you do, you are not a fucking powerlifter. You are gay.
2) If you look in the mirror during the lift you are not a fucking powerlifter. Concentrating on form throughout the lift is a must. If you're checking out how cool you look, you are simply gay. Don't worry - anything over five plates and everyone's looking. Anything over seven plates and every patron will stop what they're doing to check you out. If you look at them or in the mirror, you are not cool. You may shit your pants mid-rep...but that's OK. It's considered cool in our community.
3) Groove briefs hurt. Get the fuck over it. Once I had on a pair that were so tight I had two dudes trying to get them off me. Now this is after warmups and three max squats at a competition. My cock is swinging everywhere and my ass smells like a bucket of rotting fish. That's who powerlifters are. They wouldn't dare ask me to cut them off - they knew I needed them for deadlifts and to give up even one pound is a sin. After deads? They gave me a pair of scissors to cut the fuckers off.
4) Squat suits hurt. Get the fuck over it. You'll have four guys standing around you pulling your suit on for you. You will be tired, sweaty, and give the fuck out once you get it on. After you get the straps up, take a deep breath. If you can fill your lungs the suit is too loose. Take it off and find a tighter fitting suit.
5) Bench shirts hurt. Get the fuck over it. It'll hurt to don deodorant because of the cuts from your shirt but - you guessed it - get the fuck over it. It's poundage that matters. Not your fucking arm pits.
6) After your first competition you will be a whore to the sport. The fuckers you used to make fun of because they inhaled ammonia and slapped each others' backs before each attempt will now be your brothers.
7) You will no longer wait on slow fucks to finish lifting. You will ask, "How many sets you got?" No longer will you go find something else to waste your time on while idiot fuck does yet another set of preacher curls whilst staring at his 14" arms. The gym belongs to you. The rest of the fucks are simply your minions taking up precious oxygen.
8) Your resting heart rate will double what it is now. You will adapt and live by one simple rule: "More is better." That goes for test, weight, body fat, pussy, and pussy.
9) You will no longer have to endure countless, boring hours on the treadmill. Treadmills are for bitches and fags who want to look like bitches. Why spend an hour on the elliptical when you can do lockouts?
10) Eating will once again become pleasant. Zebra cakes and beer will quiver in your presence. They will be inhaled adding to the leverage gained by your chalk covered belt.
1) You are absolutely not allowed to wear a wife beater and wind pants to the gym. If you do, you are not a fucking powerlifter. You are gay.
2) If you look in the mirror during the lift you are not a fucking powerlifter. Concentrating on form throughout the lift is a must. If you're checking out how cool you look, you are simply gay. Don't worry - anything over five plates and everyone's looking. Anything over seven plates and every patron will stop what they're doing to check you out. If you look at them or in the mirror, you are not cool. You may shit your pants mid-rep...but that's OK. It's considered cool in our community.
3) Groove briefs hurt. Get the fuck over it. Once I had on a pair that were so tight I had two dudes trying to get them off me. Now this is after warmups and three max squats at a competition. My cock is swinging everywhere and my ass smells like a bucket of rotting fish. That's who powerlifters are. They wouldn't dare ask me to cut them off - they knew I needed them for deadlifts and to give up even one pound is a sin. After deads? They gave me a pair of scissors to cut the fuckers off.
4) Squat suits hurt. Get the fuck over it. You'll have four guys standing around you pulling your suit on for you. You will be tired, sweaty, and give the fuck out once you get it on. After you get the straps up, take a deep breath. If you can fill your lungs the suit is too loose. Take it off and find a tighter fitting suit.
5) Bench shirts hurt. Get the fuck over it. It'll hurt to don deodorant because of the cuts from your shirt but - you guessed it - get the fuck over it. It's poundage that matters. Not your fucking arm pits.
6) After your first competition you will be a whore to the sport. The fuckers you used to make fun of because they inhaled ammonia and slapped each others' backs before each attempt will now be your brothers.
7) You will no longer wait on slow fucks to finish lifting. You will ask, "How many sets you got?" No longer will you go find something else to waste your time on while idiot fuck does yet another set of preacher curls whilst staring at his 14" arms. The gym belongs to you. The rest of the fucks are simply your minions taking up precious oxygen.
8) Your resting heart rate will double what it is now. You will adapt and live by one simple rule: "More is better." That goes for test, weight, body fat, pussy, and pussy.
9) You will no longer have to endure countless, boring hours on the treadmill. Treadmills are for bitches and fags who want to look like bitches. Why spend an hour on the elliptical when you can do lockouts?
10) Eating will once again become pleasant. Zebra cakes and beer will quiver in your presence. They will be inhaled adding to the leverage gained by your chalk covered belt.