Redneck Joke's!!

HALO

HALO

New member
Redneck Joke's!!

Here are a few Redneck joke's!!


You know your a Redneck when.......

You go to a family reunion to pick up chick's.

You know your a Redneck when........

Your mom comes out of the bathroom and say's"Hey boy's,come here and take a look at this one".

You know your a Redneck when.........

You throw a party to take the wheels off your house.


Anbody else have some????
 
swede74

swede74

Trusted Member
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
 
swede74

swede74

Trusted Member
Things a redneck will never say:


I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
Wrestling's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my gut is too big?
I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, we don't need another dog.
Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Checkmate.
She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
You ALL.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

I have a bunch of them...I actually saved some in the event I could use them on ftw or rowdy, our beloved boys from Kentucky.
 
swede74

swede74

Trusted Member
OK, one more:

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"
 
S

shaqdeezl

Guest
You might be trailer trash if:

Your sister is pregnant with your daddy's baby.

You gave your momma $20 for a blow job.

You share dentures with your daddy.

Your momma, your aunt, and your sister are all the same person.

Your only video of your son can be seen on COPS.

You ask your momma for a dip.

Your momma taught you how to make meth.

You sniff your momma's panties while doing laundry...then whack with them on your face.
 
thick

thick

Moderator
nice ones. A couple of shaqs about made me sick though lol. Glad i didnt watch his video
 
thick

thick

Moderator
lmfao! swede you make it too easy on me. I am gonna give u a free backdoor pass on this one. Call it my christmas present to you. Possibly the best present you have ever gotten;)
 
swede74

swede74

Trusted Member
thick said:
lmfao! swede you make it too easy on me. I am gonna give u a free backdoor pass on this one. Call it my christmas present to you. Possibly the best present you have ever gotten;)
Click to expand...
I'll decline your "backdoor pass" offer...despite my "gay" status, I'm just not into that thick.
 
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